i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
barbara walters just said penis...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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