I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
