Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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