He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
