P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
