You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
