I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
