Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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