im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
