Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
