I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my shit smells like andre
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
