just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
