oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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