Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
