I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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