she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
