smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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