oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
