Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize