Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
