Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
