just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
