I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
