All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We need to get me chipped asap
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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