I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
