Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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