Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Randomize
