Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
