The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
