i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
