do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
