I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
