Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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