i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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