kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
