she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
