ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
