dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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