Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
