Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
