then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
