In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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