Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
