...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
