I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
