omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
