i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
