when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm getting married
To pizza
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
