if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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