you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
