You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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