playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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