So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
