We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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