My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
